Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser
“I know it usually doesn’t feel different, but I can’t help but ask, does 37 feel different?”
A common question as we age throughout the years. The expectation is that it will feel different but more often than not, its a disappointing “no, not really.” There are the rare birthdays where it does feel different but I believe they are far and few in between. The expectation is that 18, 21, 30, 40, etc., will feel different. But we’re all on a different timeline. I distinctly remember 29 feeling much different than when I turned 30, my “a-ha” moment came (seemingly) a year early which was both welcomed and a bit frightening as I felt alone in my revelations at the time.
This year, it happened again. Turning 37 feels quite different and the saying “another year old, another year wiser” finally rings true for my life. I have experienced immense growth over the last year after tediously and continuously putting in the work to heal parts of my inner child. Friends, family, and I have struggled with how I’ve been growing and developing this last year, unsure of where I was headed and and who I was becoming.
Of course, there were the friends and my husband who were encouraging me and creating a safe space for me to evolve without a clear vision of what the exact destination was. Although, now that I think about it, maybe the destination wasn’t clear to me but to these select individuals, it was likely obvious. I was reconnecting to my true authentic self. The self that my inner child had felt the need to hide and protect in order to feel loved and worthy. And that’s why they have been so supportive. They truly love the authentic version of me and they have been steadily holding my hand as I have been working hard to remove the different protective layers I have shielded myself with over the years.
For the people in my life that have been struggling with how I’ve been acting, I haven’t been able to articulate exactly what has been happening and why it has been causing tension for them. My therapist put it into perspective. Your community is akin to a school of fish who are swimming together in formation and when one fish (me, in this case), decides to question the path they are on, it causes a ripple effect and the school is disrupted. Each fish is thrown off balance and they fight to get back to the comfortable formation they had created. So here I was, going left while everyone in my school was going right. I had friends and family who loved the direction we were all on and they couldn’t understand why I’d want to question that path.
But I figured it out. I decided that it was time that I grow up. And growing up means I am ready to look at my life through a different lens. A lens of internal fulfillment and purpose.
So yes, 37 feels different. I have grown into the whole authentic version of myself who is deeply loved and worthy, no matter what I do.