Navigating the Turbulent Waves of Coming Home

It’s been quite a ride. Although this year has held a lot of highs (I got married, my best friend had a baby, and my cousin and other best friend married each other), I’d be lying if I said the lows weren’t that difficult. Underneath all the highs, I was still feeling the pain of the lows. I have been happy yet with a gnawing feeling of anxiety and nervousness permeating beneath the joy. What do you do when everyone comments on what a great year it must be and you want to be brutally honest and say yes but its coming with a great cost? That’s not exactly socially acceptable so I did what anyone else would do, I’d force a smile and say ‘Yes, I’m so lucky, its been a lot of change but everything for the best.’ Which isn’t a lie. Not at all. But it’s not the whole truth either.

It has been a lot of change, I’ve experienced more in one year than most people go through in a decade and it's been difficult. The transitions (marriage, moving, career change) coupled with the life lessons (facing trauma/pain, financial hardship, etc) aren’t easy and its not for the faint of heart. I’ve always prided myself on being able to roll with the punches and being comfortable with being uncomfortable but wowee, the Universe really gave it to me this year.

Yes, I am here writing so I am surviving. And yes, I know that in one year I will look back on 2023 and say wow I am so glad that I went through all those lessons because look at what a beautiful life we’ve created. And yes, I am still more privileged than most people. But none of that means that having to look in the mirror and the past at the things people did and didn’t do and said and didn’t say wasn’t excruciating at times. It has been and I’ve been angry about it but I have reached a place where I can see how transformative it will be to walk through these painful moments.

Or so I think I do….

I guess we’ll see what tomorrow holds.